Tuesday, March 30, 2010
It's hard coming to terms with the fact that I can barely sit let alone compete in a triathlon any time soon. Everyone keep telling me to be grateful because it could have been worse...I am. If it wasn't for my family Andrew, Amber, and Jules, I wouldn't be in the mood I'm in right now. I'm happy I can still listen to the silly jokes of my son or listen to all the book reviews from my daughter. I'm forever grateful for all the friends that called, texted, and emailed me asking if I were OK and needed anything. Every day I'm trying to put things into perspective but it's hard. For months I woke up at five o'clock in the morning on a 38 degrees morning to swim laps in an over chlorinated pool then rush home to take both of my kids to school. Then I would return home change clothes and then run or ride for miles. After a couple of workouts in the morning I would head to work, completing every task at hand while listening to my good friend and boss criticize my desire to be an ironman, he just didn't understand. As time went on I continued in this routines, getting stronger and more confident every day. I still think of all the friends I flaked on trying to stay on the road to becoming an ironman, it's so exhausting there's truly no time for anything else. No matter what, I didn't let my children down always finding a way to spend time and talk with them both sometimes at the sacrifice of sleep. I was on a mission, I had a dream. Most people didn't understand me but a few did. I didn't put in all that work so I could tell everyone I completed an ironman it was for me and only me. It was something I could call my own, a dream, a wish, a desire and I was determined to see it through until the end. When someone takes that away from you because they're to self absorbed to pay attention to their surroundings it hurts deep. I think back to the accident, maybe if I would have done something different...no, he should have been paying attention! How could anyone understand how I feel? Eventually I'll be able to sit like a normal person for longer than 15 minutes. If I heal correctly I'll be able to resume my active life, finally breaking in my new wetsuit and hopefully swimming a few times under the big moon. But Ironman...what to do about that? That desire is still there, I don't think it will go away until I at least attempt one. Still, I have to keep things in perspective and always remember the priorities in my life. I don't know what the future hold for me, I don't know if my broken bone will even heal correctly but I must stay positive and continue to heal and not try to rush it. I only have one chance to get this right, if rushed I could spend the rest of my life in pain...that would suck! One day at a time, one day at a time.