6 Months...

Six months has passed since my accident and my tailbone still ache but in time I know the pain will subside if not go away completely. I have been trying to get back into some sort of training lately but find it difficult because I no longer believe it possible to achieve the level of fitness I had before the accident. I know inactivity can be hard on your body but I never thought I would lose nearly all that I had gained over the last couple of years. I have to come to terms with the fact that I have to start over. Running nearly 4 miles on Wednesday was great but afterward I was extremely sore! It’s going to be difficult to train every day or even every other day until my body is ready for longer and harder workouts. I’m sitting here typing wondering where to start so I can continue. In my mind I have a plan laid out for my return but when I try putting on my running shoes, bike shorts, or wet suit I doubt myself greatly. I continuously tell people, mainly co-workers they can run, ride the distance, or swim in the ocean BUT I can’t tell myself that. They often turn down my offer to run or ride with them because they feel they can’t keep up with “the triathlete”. I no longer see myself that way. I wish they knew I needed their help more than they know to give me motivation to be the triathlete they think they see. I love the sport but know it takes a lot out of your life if you want to cross the finish line without passing out and being able to walk the next day. I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to get out of this rut…to be happy in my athletic life. I realize there’s no set thing or word that will snap me out of it but I have faith it’s going to happen eventually.

Perspective...

It's hard coming to terms with the fact that I can barely sit let alone compete in a triathlon any time soon. Everyone keep telling me to be grateful because it could have been worse...I am. If it wasn't for my family Andrew, Amber, and Jules, I wouldn't be in the mood I'm in right now. I'm happy I can still listen to the silly jokes of my son or listen to all the book reviews from my daughter. I'm forever grateful for all the friends that called, texted, and emailed me asking if I were OK and needed anything. Every day I'm trying to put things into perspective but it's hard. For months I woke up at five o'clock in the morning on a 38 degrees morning to swim laps in an over chlorinated pool then rush home to take both of my kids to school. Then I would return home change clothes and then run or ride for miles. After a couple of workouts in the morning I would head to work, completing every task at hand while listening to my good friend and boss criticize my desire to be an ironman, he just didn't understand. As time went on I continued in this routines, getting stronger and more confident every day. I still think of all the friends I flaked on trying to stay on the road to becoming an ironman, it's so exhausting there's truly no time for anything else. No matter what, I didn't let my children down always finding a way to spend time and talk with them both sometimes at the sacrifice of sleep. I was on a mission, I had a dream. Most people didn't understand me but a few did. I didn't put in all that work so I could tell everyone I completed an ironman it was for me and only me. It was something I could call my own, a dream, a wish, a desire and I was determined to see it through until the end. When someone takes that away from you because they're to self absorbed to pay attention to their surroundings it hurts deep. I think back to the accident, maybe if I would have done something different...no, he should have been paying attention! How could anyone understand how I feel? Eventually I'll be able to sit like a normal person for longer than 15 minutes. If I heal correctly I'll be able to resume my active life, finally breaking in my new wetsuit and hopefully swimming a few times under the big moon. But Ironman...what to do about that? That desire is still there, I don't think it will go away until I at least attempt one. Still, I have to keep things in perspective and always remember the priorities in my life. I don't know what the future hold for me, I don't know if my broken bone will even heal correctly but I must stay positive and continue to heal and not try to rush it. I only have one chance to get this right, if rushed I could spend the rest of my life in pain...that would suck! One day at a time, one day at a time.

2009 was sweet...welcome 2010!

As I look back on 2009 I smile and realize it was so much fun! I made new friends and completed two half Ironman distance races as well as two long 17+ mile trail races. I'm hoping this year will be just as exciting. I'm planning on expanding my race record by competing in my first full Ironman on May 1st. I officially started training for it Dec 1st, 2009. Since then, I accumulated 316 miles of training. Cycling 157 miles, swimming 15 miles, and running 57 miles. I'm so glad I signed up with Craig Zelant, my coach, because I didn't know how to train for a full distance triathlon. I knew IM St. George was a new triathlon which is rated at one of the hardest in the nation and I needed to be prepared both physically and mentally. There will be many hills to climb both cycling and running, not to mention the 2.4 miles swim in frigid 50+ degree water. I have always had a problem keeping my core temp up during the swim so it's going to be a challenge in itself. Besides competing in my first full Ironman, I have decided to sign up for several other races taking place throughout the year, my race schedule is as follows.
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San Dieguito Half Marathon 2/14
Gran Fondo Century 3/7
Ironman 70.3 CA 3/27
IM St. George 5/1
Wasatch Steeplechase Trail Run 6/19
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I'm truly looking forward to 2010. I'm hoping to build an even stronger bond with my children and expand my knowledge in my field thus strengthening my career. I want to stay more positive, renew my friendship bonds, and enjoy life to the fullest every day. Near the end of the year and before high school starts for my daughter Amber, I'm hoping to take a trip with her to Italy...I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one :)