As I sit in front of my computer thinking about my first upcoming Half Ironman the butterflies flutter in my stomach, my heart beats a little faster, and my finger tips began to slide off the keyboard.
I'm not ready...
I'm the slowest swimmer you could ever imagine BUT I won't give up. I continue swimming until I get to the finish line or someone says it's over and you didn't make it. If I can make it through the swim I believe I can make up some time on the bike. This is what I've been telling myself for the last month; No matter how often or how much I tell myself this the anxiety will not go away. Deep down inside I don't think my legs will hold up; I have not trained for the run portion following a torn tendon in November of 2008. I've only been running on a treadmill for 4 weeks and after the run my tendon throbs to no end. It's not the pain that is unbearable but irritating because it brings fear and doubt into my mind.
When I signed up for California Half Ironman I hoped it would be a stepping stone to something bigger...Full Ironman. With this race I hoped to overcome all fears and doubts of my abilities and to see what I'm made of, I could gauge my weaknesses and take notes of my strengths. That plan is out the window because I'm starting with a weakness, self doubt something I'm having trouble overcoming.
If I don't let fear and doubt overtakes me I will make it to the start and I will do all I can to make it to that finish line too. I refuse to give up without jus cause; I will overcome the fears and doubt I have in myself...I will.